By Sibi Mathews
Statutory warning: Those who think writing and reading about ‘peeing’ is
ugly, indecent, substandard or insane (?) may stop reading here and go for a ‘pee’
By reading this line, you have agreed that you have no objection in
reading this blog on ‘peeing’
“Why can’t you at least consider that
he is a human being??”
I
woke up hearing this. I had no clue on what was happening in the bus. I was on
my way back from Perunthalmanna to Thrissur
after visiting my uncle who underwent an operation and was trying to figure out
ways to forget pain and come back to normal life. As in any other bus trip, I could
not help remain awake. I fell asleep exactly after 10 minutes. (Guys, this is
my secret of not being bored and spending the time productively while
travelling. I am sure that you also must have tried it at least once. Make it a
habit. Trust me... it’s worth considering.)
I wondered
what ‘inhumanity’
might have happened in this bus which had hardly 12-15 passengers? (I donno any
direct correlation between number of human beings and humanity but somehow I
felt so) I stood up and found 2 passengers arguing with the Driver and
Conductor on something ‘major’. It is so serious that all
their faces are red, heated with the anger which caused the voice to increase
and had waked me up.
The
passengers were well dressed, standing near the driving seat. Both of them were
in anger, which is visible, but one of them showed the signs of ‘suffering
from some great pain.’ He was restless looking at everyone for support
but except the other fellow, nobody seemed to be in a mood to help him.
The
argument went on in a fashion, as if they were in the legislative assembly.
Guys, I am not referring to the quality of language used (They never said
anything ‘unparliamentary’) but one
of them argued as if he is ‘the inventor of democratic system’
which governs the nation, that the bus belong to ‘the people’ as it is a government bus so they have the right to
ask for it (That piece of conversation did not give a clue on what the argument
is on. I damned myself for having slept, I might have missed lot of such
instances in bus as sleeping in bus is my ‘secret of not being bored, who
knows!!) The custodians of the so called ‘people’s property’ retaliated that
‘People is not just those two passengers,
there are others in the bus who can claim the ownership (they were the
majority. democracy triumphs) of the bus as being in the group of people who do
not wish ‘it’ happen.
The
argument went on and on keeping me wondering what the hell on this earth has
those guys asked for from these ‘people’s
servants’ which resulted in a debate on the basic governing principle of
our nation called ‘democracy’
All
of a sudden, the driver stopped the bus and said ‘Do whatever you want, you are the owner of the bus, I should be
obeying the owner. Let me see whether other owners like it or not.”
The
moment the bus stopped, the guy with pain on his face ran out of the bus and
his angry companion followed him. Other two passengers, who had been watching
the entire episode of the show, started talking as if someone has demanded
their seats and asked them to stand till the end of their journey. They started
blaming those guys for making other passengers wait for them just because they
had some personal work to be done by getting down the bus.
I
still continued to wonder what would be that personal work which made the owners
including me to wait...
I did not have to ask anyone...
After
5 minutes, both the guys came back with ‘great
relief’ on their face. The guy who was suffering from great pain had a smile
on his face, which made me to realise what the story is all about.
Guys,
you might have also realised the reason. Those guys had to attend ‘the
nature’s call’ which made them argue like a civilized citizen aware of
their rights in a democratic nation. (Right to pee must be included in the
fundamental rights, how could our forefathers missed it?!!)
Driver
was still in a mode to argue and to emerge victorious in this event as he saw
that some passengers did not want them to pee and wanted those guys to keep
their bladder under pressure till the bus reach Thrissur which was one hour
journey from there.
The
argument went on for a little more while and ended up as the beneficiaries were
not in a mood to argue any more.
I
wanted to go back to my sleep but could not. As like any other mallu, I
expected ‘the unwritten unsaid’
treaty between the two sides would be broken anytime... I did not want to miss
it. But throwing all my expectations on the road under the tyres of the bus,
both the sides kept quite till the bus reached Thrissur where I got down. I
hope and wish no development took place after that. God can not be so
insensitive to me!!
Well,
in the process of expecting the fight to resume, I started analysing the root
cause of the whole incident. Guys, I have this thing of ‘analysing the root cause and
figuring out the permanent solutions for the issues’ no matter it
bothers me directly or not. But I always make sure that I do nothing to address
the root cause or to solve the issue. I am being normal if you think that I am
acting otherwise... Well guys, let me proclaim this... “Being a citizen of a democratic
nation, I have all the rights to think about the root cause of any damn issue
bothering this nation and to blame the system for not ‘figuring it out’ or not
‘addressing’ it or being not effective in ‘solving’ it etc etc.”
The root cause analysis of this particular incident gave me two
conclusions,
1. 1.
‘The right to urinate’ is a
fundamental right for any Indian; I am not sure about other nationals as I have
not interacted with any of them in my life. I wonder how our forefathers could miss
it while writing the constitution!!
2.
2.There has to be rules and regulations governing
the code of conduct while urinating, the facilities at bus, maintaining the
facilities etc etc. The parliament, legislative assemblies should debate, discuss
this right in length and breadth to come up with a law ‘pee law of 2010’ or ‘law
of urination- 2010’ and could be subsequently amended, modified
depending on the changing needs of peeing/urination.
This law must be studied by the lawyers and there has to be a specialization
for lawyers on this law. This must be included in ‘concurrent list’ where central and state governments are concerned
about this basic need of its citizens.
The law should provision for toilets (or rest rooms?) in side
every bus and every bus operator should be given a reasonable time to have
these facilities within each and every bus. They might lose the revenue of 6-8
passengers in every trip but who cares... the law of the land should prevail
(democracy triumphs!!) if any operator fail to do so, get the opportunity to
keep the bus in shed forever (Democracy triumphs again!!)
A sudden spark went through my brain (don’t ask me where it
originated and where it ended and how does the spark originate in brain and the
scientific explanation of the same) such a great business idea!!!... Yes I
stuck GOLDMINE. As the father of this
law, (well I guess I would be granted this title. Hope nobody is working on it
now!) I will be honoured with a patent or honorarium of this idea and would get
a share of the revenue from this great initiative. (I deserve a share of
payment from each person using this facility anywhere in the country, there
could be some negotiation with the states. I should anyway get a decent amount
from each state, life time!!)
Wow!!!! I am just rocking...
When you think of a business opportunity, you tend to think
about maximising the profit. (If you don’t, I do) I could not resist myself
from the thought of making people to pee more while they are travelling... I
will negotiate for a ‘binamy contract’
for selling water in bus. Which will eventually result in more peeing... more
peeing means more money for me (Did I mention that you will have to pay each
time you use the facility in bus? Great income for the government! Why the hell
are our so called rules miss out such great yet simple revenue model and cry
over deficiencies?? I just done understand)
I was patting my back for inventing such a great ‘revolutionary’
idea for the betterment of humanity (Hope nobody would question the humanity
inside a bus after this law materialises), a great revenue source for our
struggling governments and a livelihood for me. No idea is so great.... nobody can
beat me!!
“Thrissur Thrissur....... Get down....” I woke up from my
thoughts with a little disappointment... There stood the conductor asking me to
get down... I smiled at him (after all he is the one who gave me this great
idea... ‘An idea which will change my life...)
It was raining heavily and... and...
Do I feel like peeing?? Hmm I need to get an auto and get home
as soon as possible as the toilet at the bus station is not even good enough for 'a pee'...Here I am, thinking about having toilets in Bus!! Damn me!!!
